Are you close to reaching your 2016 goals?

Last year, like most years, I bought a daily planner/journal. This particular one from Bloom Planners asks the question: How will you bloom this year? There is space below to record a mission statement for my ideal year. I never took the time to do it, by the way, which is a shame considering I’m a writer. All through the planner are inspirational quotes and end-of-month reflections. Again, a feature I seldom utilized.

Tomorrow begins National Novel Writing Month—an annual writing challenge that challenges participants to write a novel in a month. Or 50,000 words, a pretty good chunk of a first draft of a novel. I’ve committed to the challenge and am getting a little nervous as October winds down.

Thinking about this last day of the tenth month of the year and how once November begins—even without a novel writing challenge—it seems like barely a chance to exhale before the year is over. Just like you, I have 61 days remaining in 2016 to complete goals or reach milestones I dreamed of when I first opened my new day planner during the dwindling days of 2015.

Back then, I had big dreams for my writing & my personal life. I was going to redesign my website. I had several writing projects I needed to see to the THE END. I was going to create a newsletter and focus on building my readership so I would have someone to send it to. I wanted to lose fifteen pounds. I was going to create a new blog and consistently post to it.

Some of the goals I reached. I redesigned my website. I finished a few writing projects and started a few more. I created a newsletter but haven’t sent out the first one. I lost most of the fifteen pounds and then gained a lot of it back. If you’re reading this you know I’ve been fairly consistent with the blog.

The next two months are going to fly by. Hopefully at the end of the year I can look back at the entries in my 2016 planner and see I reached some goals, surpassed others, and learned a thing or two. At least that's the plan. How about you?
What was your most memorable moment of 2016?
A goal you reached?
A new thing you tried?
The most important thing you learned?
The best book you read?
Something you want to try again?

It isn’t too late. There are 61 days remaining in 2016. Let’s make the most of each one.

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Are you a Spender or a Saver?

My parents approached spending from opposite ends of the financial spectrum. They held completely conflicting opinions on how to teach their four daughters to handle money. My sisters and I were paid a tiny allowance every week. Mom believed we should get the whole amount and be able to spend it any way we wanted. She believed it would teach us to accept the responsibilities of either having or not having. Dad believed we should be forced to put every dime into the bank so we would learn to be savers.

The odd thing here is that Dad was a spender by nature. He was much freer with money than Mom. Mom was a natural tightwad. She was raised poor and never learned to enjoy money or how to be generous with it. They both agree with the concept of saving. They both believe in saving for a rainy day. But they had polar opposite ideas of how to teach us how to do it. I can’t remember which parent got their way the most often. There were times we were allowed to go to the store and spend our allowance however we wanted. There were other times Dad insisted we put our money straight into the bank. He encouraged us to save from an early age by setting up individual bank accounts with our own passbooks and trying to explain the concept of compound interest and how banks served a purpose by using the money I gave them to lend to others. Imagine trying to wrap your eight-year-old brain around that.

I mentioned there were four of us girls. Two of us grew up to be savers. The other two are spenders. I still don’t know how much of Mom and Dad’s conflicting views on money influenced us to develop the way we did. Or were we predetermined to become savers or spenders?

There are positives and negatives on both sides of the personality coin. A saver isn’t as often taken by surprise by an unexpected need. Yet they struggle with a tendency toward stinginess. I struggled with this much of my life. The Bible says: The love of money is the root of all evil.” I believe both savers and spenders can battle this. When a saver becomes stingy with money the way I did, we become hesitant to loosen our grasp on a dollar lest we never get another one. A spender can love the experiences and possessions money provides & continually strive for more, often at the detriment of their own peace and relationships.

The Lord has helped me get past the stingy side of my character. As he is gracious and generous with me, I have learned to be generous with the blessings he’s given me. I strive to live generously and graciously, giving grace as it was given to me. I’ve also seen and experienced the stress and fear caused by not saving for an emergency or future necessity. We’ve all been in situations where we needed money, but there was absolutely none & no way to get it in time to meet our needs.

I still don’t know if I was influenced to become a saver or if I would’ve turned out this way, regardless of my upbringing. I don’t know if one of my spender sisters would’ve been better or worse off if Mom and Dad had been able to agree on the way they taught us how to deal with money. I tried to strike a happy medium when teaching my son about money. He’s grown now with a home of his own and he never asks me for money. Maybe I influenced him, or maybe he's afraid to ask for it.

What about you? Are you a saver or a spender? What lessons did your parents teach you about money, and which ones are you passing onto your children? And if you ever figure out which of my parents influenced me more with their conflicting ideals and contrasts in handling money, please let me know.

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Saving money today allows you to live more freely tomorrow.

Today I had planned to post about how to create a budget, but when I googled the topic, I found all sorts of resources for creating a budget on nearly any kind of program. Instead of taking up space here, you can check out some resources on the HOW of creating a budget on Google, depending on your favored software. FYI, I prefer the old notebook & paper. I still find comfort in the feel of a tangible book in my hands and the act of writing stuff down. I think I’m the only remaining dinosaur in my church who takes notes in a journal during Sunday morning service. Let me utilize this space on the WHY of creating a budget and the peace you’ll create in your life once you are controlling your money rather than your money controlling you.

I probably don’t need to mention this, but I’m going to anyway. Here’s a shock for you. Brace yourself. Are you ready? Americans don’t save enough money. According to a New York Times Business article, the typical working family nearing retirement has less than $105,000 in retirement savings. Not nearly enough considering at least one of that couple has a 50% chance of living into their nineties. But I digress. Retirement isn’t the point of this post. That’s a whole other topic. For now we’re going to discuss the importance of a family budget, regardless of where you are in your financial journey.

It’s a well known fact, American save less than any other developed country. According to a CNBC poll from last year, 62% of Americans can’t cover an unexpected expense, like a car accident, dental surgery, or when the refrigerator dies unexpectedly. Experts recommend having six months of living expenses in a rainy day fund for situations like layoffs or health emergencies. For most of us, that’s practically out of the question. We don’t have a month’s worth of living expenses saved, or even one week. How can we have peace in our finances when an emergency could wipe out your checking account while you still have monthly bills to pay?

You may be wondering how in the world you can save six months of expenses when you barely have enough in the bank to pay this week’s bills, let alone plan for an emergency.

It isn’t easy to save six months of expenses, but it can be done. First of all, don’t tell yourself, “I’m going to save six months worth of expenses.” It’s too big of a goal. It can be your yearly goal, but don’t focus on it right away. You’ll get discouraged by the time you reach the end of this article and stop reading. You’ll tell yourself, “That woman’s crazy. It’s an impossible feat so why bother trying.” Instead, focus on saving one week’s expenses. In 2016 I became a runner. One of the very first articles I read was about how to run up a hill. The article suggested you not look to the top of the hill while you're running. It’s too daunting. You look up and think, “I’ll never make it. It’s too steep. It’s too far.” Whatever. While climbing the hill, look at the ground directly in front of you. Not only will it prevent you from tripping over a tree root or a break in the pavement and smashing your face, you can see where you’re going without becoming overwhelmed by the distance yet to climb.

Remember, we’re not talking about saving one week’s income. Just a week’s expenses. That’s where a budget comes in. You can’t save your expenses when you don’t know how much they are.

Dave Ramsey, author of The Total Money Makeover, always says, "Live like no one else now, so you can live like no one else later." A little sacrifice and doing without today will pay off big in the long run.

You may have heard this old adage: Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do or do without.

Many of us are terrible about wasting things or replacing something before it needs replaced. Think of those stainless steel appliances that replaced the old white ones just because they were no longer in style. Many times, by the time you pay off the latest trendy gadget, it’s no longer in style either. After you create your budget, you may realize you can’t go out with friends every time they ask. You may have to forego your Caribbean vacation or the kitchen remodel for a few years, or dinners out, or movies on the big release weekend. You may need to reevaluate your cell phone plans. You may discover you can save money on your health insurance. (That one isn’t likely.) What about the cable bill or new clothes? You can save a small fortune by shopping for clothes & shoes at thrift stores. Especially for kids who outgrow everything long before they wear it out.

This probably wasn’t a fun post to read. No one wants to hear about deprivation. But doing simple things like saying no to a movie out or buying new Easter baskets when you can dig the old ones out of the toy box is better than being blindsided by a simple thing like a root canal that derails your Christmas budget.

I hope this post has encouraged you a little to start thinking of ways you can squeeze savings out of your budget. Little changes done over time will help you reach your goals of saving that week’s worth of expenses much faster. It won’t be long until saving 6 months’ worth will be well within reach.

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Plan now for a stress-free, debt-free holiday season--Part 2

The number one cause of stress around the holiday season is money. How can we afford all the gifts the kids want? Airfares are up so we can't afford to get where everyone else is. Christmas bonuses have been cut so where will the extra money come from for all those added expenses? The oven chose the worse possible time to go out.

Have you ever heard when it rains, it pours?

It seems like this time of year is when everything that can possibly go wrong, does. The key to avoiding those issues, or hopefully not stressing over them when they do arise, is pre-planning. It’s not too late.

If you haven’t already, now is the time to create a budget for your holiday spending. Christmas isn’t the only holiday threatening to derail our budget. According to Bloomberg.com this Halloween Americans will spend $2 Billion on candy alone for neighborhood trick-or-treaters. Another $2.6 Billion will go for costumes, and that doesn’t count the costumes 14% of us will buy for our pets.

If we stay on par with last years stats, the average American household with spend a little over $50 for Thanksgiving dinner. (Whoever took those polls obviously hasn't been to a Hooley Thanksgiving. We spend way more than that.) The good news there is at least you’ll be eating leftovers for four days. Or maybe that’s the bad news.

Regardless of how much you spend or how you plan to cut back this year and ask your guests to contribute, the key to avoiding stress is planning ahead. Just like the cable bill and the electric bill, the holidays are coming, whether we’re ready or not. We know there will be gifts to buy, possibly plane tickets, gift wrap and mountains of food. Why do we wait until the last minute to start freaking out about how we're going to afford it all?

You might be getting stressed just by reading this post. I don’t mean to do that at all. My goal is to lessen your stress, not add to it. How do we do that? By making lists. You may not be a list maker, but this is the best time to start.

You don’t have to do this alone. Enlist the help of your family. Kids of almost any age get excited over preparations for the holidays. No matter how young or old, they can understand the concept of money and budgets. Let them help in listing all the people on your gift list. Then brainstorm about the best gift for each person, including how much each gift will cost. Kids love a challenge, and they’re usually more astute than we give them credit. This will even work for creating their own wish lists.

I didn’t spoil my son while he was growing up. Consequently, at holiday time, I wanted to go all out. I didn’t buy him extra gifts because my friends were doing it for their children, or I didn’t want him to feel deprived, or I didn't want to look like a terrible mother. I bought him as much as I could because I wanted to. Right or wrong, I wanted to see his face light up over something he truly wanted.

I'm the last person to tell you not to spoil them a little. But you don’t have to blow up the household budget to do so. Find out the most important gift for each person you’re shopping for. Then you can fill in with a few lesser gifts if you want. Most children in America also get a mountain of gifts from grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on. At my niece’s third birthday party last month, she had so many gifts to unwrap she finally got bored and walked away. The other kids in attendance unwrapped the rest of the presents for her. I know it’s tempting, especially when they’re little and adorable and squeal over everything you give them, but don’t feel like you need to overdo it. For one, you’re setting a bad precedence for down the road. And two, they usually appreciate and enjoy the gifts more if they can keep track of them. Let them know ahead of time what to expect by involving them in the process. They’ll appreciate spending the time with you and feeling important, and that might turn out to be what they remember most about the holidays.

If you haven’t started shopping yet, do so now. There are lots of items you can pre-buy for holiday dinners even if you don't have a menu set in stone. Most gifts are non-perishable. Buy one a week. Christmas stamps are already available at your post office if you’re mailing out cards. Do as much as you can a little at a time, so as the time draws near, you’ll already have many of those little chores and errands squared away.

Next post, we’ll talk more about creating a household budget so things like holidays or unexpected expenses don’t take us by surprise.

Plan now for a stress-free, debt-free holiday season

It’s that time of year again. The time of year we start stressing over how we’re going to afford Christmas. Displays are already appearing in many stores. Some of us more organized souls have already begun shopping, or at least making lists of what to buy and how to find the money in an already stretched household budget. With the holidays right around the corner and a weak economy depriving many of us of pay increases in over a decade, we don’t know how we can do it.

This time of year—maybe more than any other—we consider making a budget and sticking to it, or even better, getting completely out of debt. Since that’s what I’ve been thinking about, I figured now was a great time to start a series on managing our money and how to avoid a holiday season strapped with additional debt.

It is possible to survive the holidays without debt and without deprivation. With a little planning and open dialog with our loved ones about what they expect or hope for, we can head off the debt monster before it sinks its teeth into our holiday. Most of us women put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. We have a picture in our heads of the perfect holiday, and when things don't measure up, we feel guilty. We think we let everyone down and we take it out on ourselves. Our solution is to spend more money so that no one could possibly be disappointed.

We believe it's our job to make everything perfect for everyone else. We want the kids to get every gift they ask for. We want the dinner to turn out perfectly, complete with a golden brown turkey, juicy ham, gravy of just the right consistency and color, and the right number of sides and desserts. We want the in-laws to be happy with their guest room accommodations. If the least little thing goes wrong, like the dog throws up on the living room rug, we’re convinced it's our fault, and Christmas is ruined.

Hogwash. The first step in creating a stress-free, debt-free Christmas is to let ourselves off the hook. You’re not responsible for making sure everyone else in the family has a wonderful holiday season. So much of it is outside your control anyway, so stop sweating it.

If everything doesn't go exactly as planned—if we don't have the new designer place settings we hoped to buy last year during the end-of-season-sale, if the linen napkins got lost over the course of the year, if the poinsettias aren’t in full bloom on Christmas Day—it’s not our fault.

For some reason, we gladly heap this stress upon ourselves, and it needs to stop. We are not responsible for fulfilling everyone else's expectation of a perfect holiday. If the turkey gets too dark or the stuffing comes out dry or the pumpkin pies have too much clove, we haven’t ruined Christmas. We haven’t created a nightmare memory from which our children will never recover.

Nobody remembers that stuff anyway. Think back to some of your own Christmas memories. Do you remember the year there were no mandarin oranges in the fruit salad because Mom forgot to buy them? What about the year the souffle fell or when the icing slid off the cake or when the spiral ham fell apart in the oven and filled the kitchen with smoke? Of course not. The memories we carry from year to year are about being with those we love and having a good time together. That's what's important. It should be the only thing that is. If it isn't, well, shame on us and shame on those who put such high expectations upon us.

This year you have my permission not to blame yourself if the turkey is dry or you forget to buy Cool Whip for the pies. Call me and I’ll pick some up on my way over.

In my next post I’ll get deeper into some steps to take to enjoy a debt-free, stress-free holiday season. For now, just realize you are not the Perfect Christmas Creator of the Universe. This is going to be a stress-free holiday season. Starting now, smile, relax, and accept that things will go wrong. Not everything will work out exactly the way you want. The only thing you can control is the way you react. We've already decided this year you’re not going to let those things stress you out.

The Story Behind the Story of Love Begins

Whether parents can no longer provide a safe home or need temporary assistance or children have been removed by the state, thousands of children in America are living in foster care. When I wrote A Tender Reed, the precursor to the Tender Blessings series, in 2005 I only knew one family involved in foster care. Since then I’ve met dozens. Several families in my church have started fostering kids over the last decade. Even people in my own family have taken on the role of raising the children of nieces, nephews, cousins, or grandchildren.

About Love Begins, the first book in the Tender Blessings Series:

"If I wasn't such a good Christian, you'd be in an orphanage somewhere, young lady."

Abandoned by their parents, Michelle Hurley and her kid sister Nicole are reminded every day their livelihood depends on a grandmother who never wanted them. Nearly twenty years later, Michelle has accepted the fact she isn't worthy of the love she so desperately needed as a child.

Her comfortable, albeit lonely, existence comes crashing down around her the morning Nicole abandons her two young children under Michelle's lilac bushes. Michelle doesn't want to be responsible for fixing Nicole's mistakes. Again. Nor does she want to admit she may be just like the grandmother she can't forgive.

When as old boyfriend re-enters her life, Michelle is reminded nothing has worked out the way she hoped it would. Kyle Swann also makes her realize shutting her heart against the world could be the worst mistake she ever made.

This thought-provoking contemporary romance examines the changing dynamics of family relationships and issues. Infused with honesty and humor, it will capture the hearts of readers who love children, understand their challenges and appreciate the many definitions of family.

The Tender Blessings Series was originally published as a trade paperback entitled A Tender Reed. The story was a huge success with readers and reviewers alike, but they wanted more. I received emails, calls, and questions at events asking when they could expect Book Two. Readers also let me know they wanted more romance. Don't we all!

I went to work enlarging the story and spending more time on Michelle's lackluster love life. It didn't take long to realize there were two books here—hence the Tender Blessings series.

The biggest compliment you could ever pay a writer is by posting an honest review for her book. Grab your FREE copy of Love Begins by Tuesday, Oct. 4 at midnight EST and consider placing a review on Amazon. Then get the sequel A Little Goodbye.