Take it Like a Man

Summer break is only two weeks old and everyone is already posting pics all over social media of the amazing things they’re doing. Everybody but me. So far my summer is going like every other season of the year. Work. Writing. Dinner. Dishes. Laundry. Repeat. I can’t help but wonder if summer is any different for those posting all the pics. Or are they faking it to convince themselves as much as to convince me?

Do you ever compare yourself to someone else? I think we all do. The other day my friend posted this pic on FaceBook.

She is a wonderful person—funny, loving, generous, beautiful inside and out—the best kind of friend. Even with all those things going for her, she sees herself in a negative light because of how she thinks she looks. Isn’t that sad? We are all created in God’s image and have something to offer the world. But it’s easy to forget when it seems everyone else is the perfect size, looks great in a swimsuit, has raised beautiful, successful children, and has never put her foot in her mouth.

I recently read a study that showed men spend three times as much time looking in the mirror as women. While women focus on what they believe are their negative qualities, men only see what they consider strengths.

How can men overlook their faults while women are unable to look past a simple flaw?
I have never heard my husband fret with his buddies over putting on a few pounds over the holidays. If one of them brings it up, it’s to brag about it. I heard one say as long as stores keep stocking bigger shirts he’ll eat whatever he wants.

Not women. If a friend loses weight, we belittle ourselves for not sticking to our diets. We might even secretly hope she’s been sick or depressed, and we aren’t complete failures that we couldn’t lose while she made it look so effortless.

It isn’t only our weight that makes us compare ourselves unfavorably to others. Have you ever told a joke that fell flat? When men do it, they don’t seem to notice. If they do, they shrug it off and tell the same joke 100 more times, thinking for sure it’ll be a hit this time. Not women. We punish ourselves for months and dread the memory of the time we embarrassed ourselves at a party. Even though in truth most every witness to our social faux pas doesn’t even remember it.

Maybe we give ourselves more credit than we deserve. When we embarrass ourselves or gain too much weight or don’t have vacations as interesting as someone else, we imagine the whole world is judging us. In truth, the world is too busy examining their own embarrassing moments and has forgotten all about ours.

As men seemed to have figured out, we women need to learn not to take ourselves too seriously. It’s a given we’re going to say dumb things. We’re going to walk out of a restroom with our skirt caught in our pantyhose—figuratively speaking I hope. Life happens. When it does, man up. Laugh off those less than stellar moments and don’t forget no one’s summer vacation is nearly as fun or angst free as it appears on social media.

It's Up to You--Good or Bad

My husband & I just returned from a vacation in the Great Smoky Mountains. We spent a week doing all the tourist-y stuff—like the Comedy Barn and Dixie Stampede, enjoying dinner at the Timberwood Grill, and visiting museums like the Titanic. Not to mention climbing mountains to ogle vistas and taking tons of pictures—some of which will appear in future posts and may become cover art for an upcoming book release.

It’s still technically the off-season in Tennessee so crowds were small and foot traffic slow in the local shops and art galleries. It afforded us the opportunity to chat with staff and get to know people. Out of all the people we met, I only had one negative experience with someone I didn’t actually meet.

I got yelled at in a public restroom when I walked in on a woman. There’s a way to prevent someone from walking in on you. Lock the door! She didn’t, so I burst in, and she got indignant.

For about half a minute, I got indignant back at her. After all, how could she blame me when she’s the one with the power to lock the door?

Immediately, I decided I wasn’t going to let that one experience spoil the memories of my trip. Our vacation was wonderful. We had numerous, enjoyable interactions with people from North Carolina, Long Island, a beautiful young bride from UAB, and a lovely lady from Hattiesburg, MS, not to mention all the Tennesseans who made our trip exceptional.

Life is full of choices. We can remember the good and let go of the bad. Or we can let a truly crappy day at work crowd out a good moment with a coworker. Most times, a negative experience stays with us longer because it makes a more indelible impression. Don’t let it. It’s a choice. A conscious decision to focus on one thing instead of another.

Choose to focus on the good things in life. Fun conversations. A child’s laugh. A silly joke that wasn’t that funny. A good book. A beautiful view. Being wrapped in the arms of someone you love. It takes a lot more energy to stay mad over a slight than it does to find delight in one of life’s simple pleasures.

Speaking of simple pleasures, my first book, Streams of Mercy, Book One in my Jenna’s Creek Series, is available as a free download on Amazon through May 17. Check out the other books in the series while you’re there.

All the best for a blessed & beautiful weekend.